The Sunshine Coast creator of a new sex and dating podcast The Bedroom Diaries is calling for people on the dating scene to shift their emphasis from looks to personality.
Podcaster Narelle Walsh created The Bedroom Diaries as a sex positive, body positive, non-judgemental space for discussing dating and sexuality.
“The aim is to offer a safe space for sexual expression, education and conversation, driven by personal storytelling,” says Narelle.
She says one aspect of ‘safe space’ is considering the whole person and not just how they look.
Connecting more deeply
“I feel dating is about connecting on a deeper level, beyond physical appearance.
“Shared values, interests, humour and emotional compatibility are important for transcending superficial judgments and nurturing genuine connections.
“By being genuinely interested in someone’s thoughts, dreams and experiences, we create an environment accepting of each other’s self-expression and personality over looks. This cultivates deeper connections based on mutual understanding and appreciation.”
Narelle says she gets that this is not easy to do.
“It is challenging, because society emphasises physical attractiveness as a primary factor in dating,” she says.
“In my experience, breaking away from these norms requires introspection, self-confidence and a willingness to challenge societal expectations.
“It may also involve overcoming personal biases and stereotypes ingrained by family conditioning, media and cultural influences.
“Embracing this concept can lead to more fulfilling and authentic connections.”
Get to know them before connecting
Narelle says this shift in approach to genuinely seeking to know a person before connecting must be informed by deep honesty.
It’s not about over-sharing. It’s about being open about the reality of who you are and what you can offer and being brave enough to be upfront about what you really want.
Narelle advises people looking for deeper connections to consider the “non-negotiable” info they require in an online dating bio before contacting someone.
“Anyone who has been on dating apps knows the often poor quality of information in personal bios. By being selective about the info you require as a minimum, we can subvert this shallow paradigm.”
Value their interests and dreams
“By valuing a person’s interests and aspirations, we nurture meaningful connections that go beyond physical appearance, leading to more fulfilling and authentic relationships.”
“Dating apps mean we have access to anyone on the globe. The dating pool is a massive space and many folks create unnecessary stories to appear more attractive because it is so competitive.”
“People should be honest about everything, from the get go. Whether it be looks, sexual orientation, allergies, fitness or age.
“If we can’t be honest in the beginning, how are we to build a strong foundation for any kind of relationship?”
Act from the heart
“If each of us took responsibility for how we interact with people from our heart with pure intention, it would save a lot of negative experience.”
To be clear, Narelle is not saying dating apps should only be used for monogamous, long term relationships; she is saying be upfront about what you are seeking.
“If you want a short term hook up, or casual sex, say that.
“If you’re after a kinky one night stand, express your wild intentions.
“If you are in a committed relationship, but want to open things up to explore: open a discussion.”
“Don’t do it first and ask forgiveness later. Transparency is vital in relationships.”
Tell it like it is
Narelle says there’s an ethical dimension to this as well.
“By openly sharing your intentions, desires, and boundaries, we empower others to make informed choices about pursuing a connection or moving on.
“We also prevent the emotional distress, confusion, anxiety and insecurity that can happen when there isn’t clarity.”
Narelle says the aim of her new podcast is to open up discussion about these complexities of sex and dating and she welcomes anonymous comments, questions and confessions.
“By sharing my own observations and encouraging others to do the same, I hope to spark meaningful conversations and even debate.
“Ultimately the aim is to initiate discussions that promote understanding and empathy and also broader recognition and appreciation of a diverse range relationships.”
You can listen to Bedroom Diaries by Narelle Walsh at https://open.spotify.com